Scared

I am scared. I am trying very hard to live under a no contact rule. I am addicted to my narcissistic ex-boyfriend. I miss him but at the same time I am completely frightened of him. I don't know how this happened. I didn't see it coming at all. I also know that I am responsible for a portion of this dysfunction.

He twists things. He makes up things in his head. He hears what he wants to hear and not the rest of the sentence/conversation/scenario. He is violent. He wants to hurt my male friends. I think he wants to hurt me.

I didn't realize how bad things had gotten. So insidious, it crept up out of nowhere. How do you cut out something so big with roots through everything.

He is classic NPD. More on this later.